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Monday morning punishment drills

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Practically every morning when I wake up, my mind begins its daily grind and role as task master.  I woke up this Monday morning after having had a really fun weekend and, like the duty oriented taskmaster that it is, my mind began its daily analysis and to do list.

It didn’t feel good.  It felt mean and self defeating.  The judgment began, so quietly that I can’t even hear it, but boy oh boy can I feel it.  My mind starts its Monday morning punishment drills.  Yep.  It begins a spiral that makes me anxious and feeling like I have wasted the weekend because I did not accomplish anything (except regenerating and having fun).  This voice is all too familiar to me.

So I try to slip into my positive mode.  I do my darnedest to focus on the positive and remember that nobody gets anywhere by feeling bad.  No, feeling bad is not productive.  The Law of Attraction says that if you are not feeling good, then you are not attracting good.  The Law of Attraction says that all you need to do is change your feeling from bad to good.

Well … sounds easy, right?  Hmmmm.  Maybe yes and maybe no.  What would feel good (honestly good) on Monday morning?  Sleeping an extra hour?  Yeah, that would feel good.  Or is that a story I am telling myself?  Actually, if I sleep the extra hour then I deprive myself of the opportunity to be alone in the quiet of the house before everyone else arises.  I love the quiet of the house in the morning.

But it takes discipline to get out of bed.  Yes it does.  And discipline doesn’t feel good, right?  So I should stay in bed?  NO.  Staying in bed makes me feel guilty about losing that special morning moment.  I slept late over the weekend.  I had lots of fun.  Now I want to be productive.

Being productive makes me feel good.  But doesn’t sleeping in feel good, too?  Well, yes and no.  My mind tells me that sleeping in is special, so it should feel good.  But actually sleeping in just for the sake of it is not all that special.  Sleeping in feels good when I am super tired and need the rest.  Sleeping in feels good on a dreary, rainy November day or on a freezing winter morning.

When sleeping in becomes the norm, then it just turns into laziness.  It makes me feel like a slug.

And what do I want more than anything?  ALIVENESS!

So today I answered the call of my heart, albeit so quiet I could barely hear it over the racket that my brain was feeding me.  Sometimes feeling good requires that I do things that my brain opposes.  Today I am not letting the mind put me in a spin.  Today I arise like a phoenix and embrace the newness of the week.  Today I begin again.

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